While I was reading Chapter 12 of one of my Global University books the other day, I stumbled upon this statement that felt like a slap in the face:
‘One young teenager confided tearfully to her mother, “I do not want Jesus to come until after I get married and have a family.” The truth of the Rapture and Second Coming had lodged in her heart. She loved the Lord with her whole heart, but the beautiful things of life also had an attraction. With love, her mother assured her that Jesus would do what was just right for her. She could plan to be part of her own Christian family, and plan it with Jesus. If He should come before she married, He would still allow her to experience the same feelings of joy and happiness that the fulfillment of her Christian family plans would bring.’
I had to stop myself and re-read this statement several times because it hit. Me. Hard.
I too have felt this teenager’s pain. Not just in the past, but even now in the present. There was a point in my life where having a husband or a family just wasn’t on my radar. I wanted to focus on me and on my life and my future and I didn’t worry about searching for a boyfriend because it didn’t interest me.
In high school, that viewpoint changed. I noticed that a certain guy was interested in me and suddenly, I found myself thinking about a future with him. I originally didn’t want to have kids at all and hated even the thought of it, but after being with him for a year or so, he changed my mind. Spending time with him made me want a family of my own. He was the only one I ever even considered a future with. He even brought up to me the same thought that I shared above. That Jesus would come back before we ever got the chance to get married and have a family like we dreamed of.
Obviously, that all changed over the last year. He and I have been separated for a long time and we have no intention of getting back together or even speaking to each other.
But I still have hope.
I still have hope that since God has planted these hopes and dreams in me, He will fulfill them when He feels it is the right time.
I still have hope that the right man will come and sweep me off my feet and help me with my relationship with God in all of the right ways.
I still have hope that God will bless me with a family that seeks God together. That reaches people together.
That pushes past the statistics of the secular world and becomes a force to be reckoned with because of the power of God flowing through everything we say and do.
And yet, I still doubt. Even after what I’ve seen God do in my life, I still fear not ever knowing what marriage feels like. What having a family of my own feels like.
But in reading this portion and in hearing what God has been whispering to me and in seeing what all goes on around me, I know that if it is God’s Will, it will happen.
If it’s in His design for my life, He will follow through in it.
All I have to do is trust Him.
All I can do is trust Him.
Even when I don’t know when I will meet my partner-for-life and even when I don’t know what job I will have or where I will live.
Putting those worries and those doubts and those fears in His hands are the only way to find peace and the only way to resolve the thoughts that threaten to rip me apart.
So God, I give these things up to You.
I will allow You to have control over my past, over my present, over my future, so that I can live out the life that You have called me to live.
I pray that nothing that I experience will ever rip me away from Your grace and Your goodness. I pray that I never doubt Your love or Your faithfulness.
And I pray that those who read this blog will also feel the same.